Some people just make my day six million, three hundred thousand, seven hundred and fifty-eight times worse.
and some people make it a trillion times better.
:D
I'm still not 100% sure where I'm going to be living this summer, but I'm pretty sure the answer may be my dads.
He has been trying real hard to move down here. I've to a couple of people about what I should do, just because I needed some input from an outside source. I think it would be for the best. It may even make things better between my mom and I.
I'm scared of the unknown. I haven't lived with my dad since I was young, like two or three. I guess I'm just going to have to take that chance. Make a change. Make myself happy for once.
This wasn't amazing. I ran out of things to say. I'm so dumb. Wow. Sorry if I got your hopes us Isaac.
<3333
Oh, 5 months exactly till my birthday :)
The lightest note I could comprehend:
I have come to the conclusion that I suck at life. I can't get anything right or permit myself to one good action. Stability has obviously never been my specialty, so I'm just trying to get used to this and be freaking content for once in my life. It's so hard to be satisfied. It's so hard to look at what I have and not what I don't have. I'm so pathetic to a point where it's disgusting, I can't even call her. I can't even dial a number and say a few simple words. I CAN'T. No one understands this. I've tried to explain it to the greatest extent. I just want answers.
I've been a closed bottle for almost a month now. The tension is building and the heat is rising but it has no escape. I'm about to burst. Be that "someone" you've been talking about all along.
Anyways, I've decided I want to find myself. I'm always saying how I want to "be" other people. Everyone does that. But I realized that's stupid, like I want to be my own person. I want to change, for the better. So badly. I know I may lose friends, I've already lost most of the friends I thought were beside me. But that just shows me exactly who truly cares, and who my real friends are. The one's that stick beside me no matter what mistakes I make over and over.
Well, I had all weekend to make up all my missed homework. I even sat in a desk for 4 hours on saturday and only accomplished 200 pages. I can't help it but NOT care about school work lately. I just want it to be summer. If this is freshman year, how am I supposed to survive 3 more? EW, I hate the sound of that. I hope I can get on independant study. Lol, this was such a stupid and pointless entry. Bleh, all I can do is complain. Sorrry.
Dang, I miss that David White. :/
<3
- Music:Bossssssy.
That I ruin friendships
And I should let the friends come to me
I seem really desperate when I text them
And soo I'm not gonna talk to anyone in a hot minute sooo yeahh sorry friends.
I'm gonna spend like a week to myself
Ill see how that works out it never does. And ummmm I don't think I'm going on wednesday either
I might get a phone tho. Ahhh I'm like dying on the inside. I love life
They have so many plans, so many things to do, and I'm on the other side of the country in the middle of nowhere, with no plans and nothing to do. I love it out here and I love being with my family but I just wish I could be out there to do all those things with them.
But whatever, I brought this upon myself. Enough complaining.
Updates? :
- I start school on Monday, at Plainfield High School. Only about 1200 kids occupy the whole school. Everyone knows everyone, and I guess there's not a whole lot of drama and everyone is nice. Ha, yeah right.
- My aunt and my cousin said that the girls and boys at my new school all see "scene kids" and try to look like them, but their parents won't let them wear skin tight jeans and dark eyeliner, and won't let them dye their hair. My aunt said that a bunch of her friends have daughters that try to impersonate a style similar to mine, but it looks very generic due to the fact that they can only go so far. So I guess I'm the only one here with jet black fake hair, fake eyelashes, and a pound of makeup on.
- I went to the school yesterday to register and they said that "everyone out here is a lot more conservative than my kind of people, and I should pull my shirt up and leave a little something to the imagination". They were amazed to find out how many people are at Freedom and that Freedom forwards you to an automated machine when you call instead of forwarding you to a real live person. Plainfield High seems to think they care a lot more about the kids out here than they do in Cali. They are probably right.
- It was about 70 degrees today for most of the day, and everyone just soaked it up. I guess thats supposed to be really hot for Indiana, and I just prayed that it wouldn't rain today. It didn't, we spent the whole day swimming in an inside pool and hanging out with a bunch of 10 year old girls.
- I'm still not used to the time change, we're three hours ahead.
- I get to see Rosi and friends next weekend, if she gets her car fixed by then. I'm really excited, and nervous, I really don't know what they're gonna think of me. Although its my girlfriend, so I guess she won't judge me but I'm still nervous.
- The working age out here is 14, so I'll be getting a job to pay for a cell phone. I won't be working that much until school gets out on May 29th. Then summer comes, and my 15th birthday, when my mom comes out to see me. Which is when you should come out and see me too :]
And um I'm looking forward to getting some kind of letter from anyone who cares, lol.
220 Elm Street, Plainfield, Indiana, 46168
So yeah. Thats enough for now. Check back to see if any excitement happens.
- Location:Motel 6 "/
- Mood:
mellow
heres to another freakin' boring weekend.
i always make plans but they never ever work out
so why do i keep on making them. man. im really tired of you already
so on sunday if i dont sit down stairs im kicekd out of leadership for a month
gay!
um i love being empty i wanna be skinny again
take me back skinny i miss you! lol
i love my two loves janet and whatever your name is!
hahha diamonds!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
i went to a job interview at jamba juice
i guess you could say it went well.
welll i love when my freinds never answer my phone calls
it makes me smile inside yayyy for saturday.
- Music:bossy
Rosi is right, I shouldn't be crying. I'm coming back. I have no idea when, but I'm still coming back. I guess.. its just hard when my heart is in California but my head has to be in Indiana.
Riding on this plane alone is kinda fucking scary.
- Mood:
apathetic
- Mood:
contemplative
I'm over this crap.
If you wanna know how I'm doing out on the other side of the country, read here.
- Location:my house
- Mood:awake
- Music:Dashboard Confessional - Stolen
Or maybe I'll just make a new one that I'll write in when I'm gone, so people can see it.
- Mood:
anxious
- Mood:
nauseated
I did nothing, but I'm not really bumbed about that because I needed to just have a chill day, all by myself. It felt good.
Today on the other hand was all bad.
I'm almost positive that I'm not going to be living in my moms house for much longer.
I think I'm going to be living with my dad. It scares the crap out of me.
I haven't lived full-on with my dad since I was like three. Ehh.
I don't want to go and leave my mom, my little brother and little sister.
But I want the best for me. I can't keep pleasing people, and in the process making myself miserable.
I JUST CAN'T DO IT ANYMORE!
I need a hug.
blahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh im so bored
ive been sitting on the computer lol im not actually sitting on the computer but like ive been on the computer for an hour and 38 minutes
im listing to "radar" by britney spears i love her songs they have swagga well her new ones at least.
i love the beats and she is one of the reasons i wanna go clubbin i wanna hear her songs and shake my junk?
im totally kidding. sooo
my day was really boring. ireally do miss my freinds like shoot mjl and shoot 4m3li4 w00d
and shoot everyone!
last night josh said "the stadium should just be 'shoot stadium' " lol
" you aint got no x ray vision staring thru my clothes"
as i listen to other songs ill just like spontaniously write the lyrics down
soo since im like a marshin? or marshan? or neither?
ive been still kinda grounded well im not grounded anymore i went and hung out with sara
soooo im not grounded anymore just my things have been taken away from me
right now id be playing halo 3 yes i play video games
but nope my daddy had to take it back. but i dont blame him tho. i miss it alot! lol
and i miss texting not really cause it just makes me not seem annoying to people and they miss me?
and i dont call anyone on my house phone either. unless i really miss you
i want everyhting back
my weekend was really fun
friday:ummm..............against leadership rules.
saturday:woke up went home. went to the mall with paula i miss her and then talked to my baby maddy pues.
sunday:reallllyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy awkward worse than prom. ask me
i love maddy and amelia ive come to the realization that they will always be there for me
and listen to my stupid issues but i just know they love me ha and sooo does sara
soooo i love mariah carey right now
she does know whats up!
like she says "you cant compete with m c"
and i say well you can but your always gonna loose.
and then in one song she says "bet she cant do it like me she'll never be m c"
dang girl doesnt want anyone messin with her. or doesnt want anyone like listeing to her music
but i love her when she had her downfall and came back up with emancipation of mi mi thats her best.
butt anyway im really bored this is long but not boring
quit talking bout stcheu stchue
Hello new people, new school, new atmosphere, no birthday party, no warm summer, no gay pride, no warped tour, no friends.
I'm leaving in 1-3 days. My mom won't say when exactly.
I was listening to some playlist on my mp3 player while packing today and all I thought about was her.
I don't want to go.
But this is my mistake. My mess. Now I have to clean it up.
I won't have a phone and barely any internet time, just the old-fashioned paper and pens for my friends.
- Mood:
depressed
Was a good night!
Some talking with Ben. He's such a great guy! I love god!
this makes no sense I just had to post!!!
PICTURE POST:
TESTIMONY:
Negative $88. rent due the next day! I gave it to god in offering. Then val calls and tells me nicks moving in and spliting rent, which saves me $150 a month!!! I don't wnat to jinx anything but I also think this check is going to be good! Praise god!
I don't mean to be snotty or stuck-up or anything in that kind of nature, but I think I am a really good friend. I will put you in front of me anytime, any day. If you needed help, I would help you to my fullest ability. Do people see how good of a person I am? Do they realize how much I help them out? Sometimes I just feel like I'm just being walked on, and used. Maybe I need a reality check. I need to realize who my real friends are.
Ever since my back-fall, I've forgotten so many things. Like spiritually. I forgot what it was like to feel. Don't get me wrong, I've had touches from God like crazy! But I feel like I should be doing better. Be someone who someone else can look up to, but I just feel like I can't do that because so many people are looking down on me.
Eh. I'm dumb. I would say "I'm over it" like I always do, but I'm not over it. I can't lie to myself anymore. I can't be me anymore. I need to get out of my comfort zone. I need to step out of the box. But I can't. I've forgotten how. Once again. I'm scared at the fact that I'm disappointing everyone around me, one person at a time, one step at a time.
I just need to breath. Inhale, exhale. For the time being, it's all I can do.
i am going to have a job
i am going to be skinnier
i am gonna go to the lakehouse lol
i am gonna go to summmer school
i am gonna have my car
i am gonna have a phone
anndd yeahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh im sooo grounded.
you already know that i dont have really anything important.
i hate when my sister dresses like a hooker
and my mom complains.
andddddddddd im trying to be positive
my friends really hate me right now im really annoying
jesus ccan you please help?
Fifteen more days till my sister's birthday.
Fifteen more days till my sister is sober.
Fifteen more days till we can be friends again.
:)
Page Summary
![[info]](http://p-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif)
maddyhastopee : Because it's something that you do to me, that I just can't express. [+0] - africanamelia : I just need to feel what its like to stand at an ocean break, and let your new love crah around me. [+1]
- maddyhastopee : Just an ordinary day, just trying to get by. [+1]
- taquita15 : I'm stylish I'm flossy you'll be ashamed to say you lost me [+0]
- kaykorruption : Day Three. [+2]
- taquita15 : stop touching me without permission [+0]
- kaykorruption : In 14 minutes, [+0]
- kaykorruption : I'm leaving tomorrow. [+1]
- africanamelia : My mind's a better author, than I could ever be. [+0]
- kaykorruption : New Journal, [+0]
- kaylinalise : I'm thinking of deleting my Livejournal. [+1]
- arielhoney : You wouldn't understand [+1]
- africanamelia : Now we're left with broken hearts, and a hand full of memories. [+8]
- taquita15 : you aint gotta be scared we grown now [+0]
- kaylinalise : Hello Indiana [+3]
- loveulongtime89 : Tonight.... [+0]
- kallander : bby, tell me, is this a possibility? [+0]
- africanamelia : If you want to mend my heart for a while, it will take a phone call from your side of town. [+3]
- taquita15 : endless summer [+0]
- africanamelia : A spoonful of your sarcasm helps the pain go down. [+0]