i've realized that this has become much more than just an online diary.
its more than what it was.
its more than the anticipated way to get out my thoughts, my frustrations.
its become a lifeline.

even though i rarely get responses to anything i say.
every single word is to you.
if you read this.
its to you.
its to you meghan, for real i mean it every single word is stuff i wish i could pour out to you but cant.
its to you maddy, because these are the things i used to tell you all the time but idk why i dont anymore.
its to you amelia, because your the only friend i don't mind telling everything about me to.

every single word has a deeper meaning and nothing in here is a joke.
they're my real feelings.
and my real pain.
on most of these entries my eyes are so filled up with tears I can't even see half of what i'm typing.
and sometimes i'll be so hysterical i'll have to stop writing cuz i'm shaking so much.

this isn't something to tell you to comment me more. or to pay more attention.
i'm just speaking my mind.

i read your guys livejournals.
every word of them.
even when you think i dont.

and i notice when your calling out to someone, anyone really.
just to get a response, to see if someone noticed.
I notice.

because i do it too.

i feel the way you feel in that moment.

the fogginess in your head is just so much that you don't know if you're awake or dreaming.
you don't know if the reality around you even exists.
if the people you make relationships are even real entities.

you wonder if anyone is even listening.
if anyone even cares.



















i care.