realization time.
and not the good kind.
im talking about those bone shattering.
heart breaking.
tear making, realizations.
the one that will RUIN your preconceived notions of the way life is supposed to be.
yeah.
one of those.



I realized yesterday.
That no matter how much you love a person.
As a friend I mean, I don't need any one thinking anything bad.
But no matter how much you care about a friend.
Or how much you tell em that you care.
And all that jazz.
No matter how compassionate you are to them.

They might never ever give a crap about you.
And if they do.
They might never even show it.

And that fking sucks dude.
Like.

You all know that I love fkin hard.
I'm one of the most loving people you will ever meet in your entire lifetime.
So for me.
When I care about someone.
I hope they'll care about me too ya know?
And I hope that they'll show it.

And you guys also know how self conciouse I am.
So when people don't show me they care.
Or they give me dirty looks or whatever.
I automatically feel like there's something wrong.



And worst of all.
I'm just really really getting tired of getting replaced.

I never stay somebodies best friend even if they are still mine.
I never stay even good friends with people cuz they'll replace me too.
I never stay somebodies favorite.
I never stay on their good side.
I NEVER have someone who stays liking me for any consistent period of time.



And my heart really really really wants to get dried up, hard, and cold.
Because of this little realization.
Because it hurts soooo much the way it is right now.

But I like the fact that I love harder than any other.
I like the fact that if i love you, you'll fkin know.
And I fkin like the fact that I stick with people.

But I really don't know what to do.
I've always been this way.
And all its ever brought me.
Is getting fkin hurt.

So idk.
idkidkidkidk.

If i ever turn into a complete bitch.
Who seems emotionless.
And like i don't care about anything or anyone.
I'm going to blame it on you.



Just a warning.